Shakespeare Takes: The Banishment of Falstaff
by Ethan VanPutte
At HENRY V’s coronation, at a public place near Westminster Abbey, many of HENRY V’s subjects are gathered to watch the new king receive his crown.
Enter FALSTAFF and Boar’s Head Tavern Crew, who are among the crowd trying to reach HENRY V.
FALSTAFF: “Harry, my boy! Please pause a moment and reminisce with your oldest friend, Jack Falstaff!”
HENRY V: (Stoically does not acknowledge FALSTAFF).
FALSTAFF: “My king, I beg upon you! (HENRY V continues ignoring him). I demand an audience with King Hal at once!”
HENRY V: “Who dares doth make demands to the new King?”
FALSTAFF: “It is I, my King, ‘tis the valiant Sir Jack Falstaff, your oldest friend!”
HENRY V: “You are correct about the old portion, but failed to mention other, larger qualities about thyself. If I were once acquainted with the likes of thou, then my figure stands at that of twice the height of any man or animal that shall compare itself with me. What say you, ‘O Valiant’ Falstaff?”
FALSTAFF: “My king, thou art mista—” (HENRY V interrupts him).
HENRY V: “Silence, you old fool! Lord Chief-Justice, place this man, who claims to be so valiant, and his conspirators in handcuffs and have them escorted to my private chambers at once. I wish to dwell on what the consequences shall be for the likes of such a man.”
As the Lord Chief Justice and King HENRY V’s guards are arresting FALSTAFF and company, and taking them to HENRY V’s private chambers, FALSTAFF can be heard muttering to himself, but it cannot be understood by the audience.
FALSTAFF and company are awaiting HENRY V’s arrival in a private room within the castle, guarded by HENRY V’s entourage. After the coronation, HENRY V enters.
HENRY V: “I wish for all to leave my presence except for the one called Falstaff. Guards, escort the rest of these men to a separate room, at the very least, 10 paces away from the entrance to this room until I, your King, instructs otherwise. I shall not be disturbed or interrupted for any reason until I exit these chambers. Now.”
The guards gather the Boar’s Head Tavern crew and escort them the instructed distance away from where HENRY V and FALSTAFF currently reside.
FALSTAFF: “Hal! My boy, I—” (HENRY V interrupts him again).
HENRY V: “Firstly, Falstaff, I am your king now, and you should address me as such. Listen, though, I apologize for having to present as if I was not aware of who you were, but as I said, I am King now. This means I have a certain image to uphold for my subjects. How would it present if I were to admit our friendship? Falstaff, homie, you have to remember that we committed crimes together, on multiple occasions. Now, I always did cover my face well, but who could ever forget that body of yours, Sir Falstaff? One would have to be blind, deaf, and lacking a sense of smell not to immediately recognize ‘twas you who committed these crimes.”
FALSTAFF: “King Hal, you are correct in remembering our moments of negativity, but what of all the good times we shared at the Boar’s Head Tavern? Completely belligerent to any responsibilities besides refilling our cups of sack, piling our plates high with savory meals, and telling jokes and stories until our ribs hurt from laughter. Now my boy—I mean—my King, don’t you wish your reign to be full of prosperous times such as the ones you once had with your beloved Falstaff?
HENRY V: “Falstaff, I shall not forget the joyous occasions we shared within the confines of the Boar’s Head Tavern, but once I sat at the seat of responsibility, I realized that the Tavern was nothing but a prison. A prison that kept both you and me chained to the seat of what we thought to be luxury, but there existed only pain and regret underneath the guise of ‘joyous occasions.’ (HENRY V pauses briefly). Sir Falstaff, few greater titles can be bestowed upon a man for his service to his civilization. I ask you, do you wish to continue to be chained to the seat of pain and regret, yet only continue to see joyous occasions in that, or do you wish to regain the honor you and others once held above yourself? I must be honest with you; I cannot bear to witness my great friend fall victim to the ruse any longer. You must leave this place, not to come near me by order of ten miles. If you wish to continue down this path of dishonor and immorality, so be it, but as I said to you, I cannot witness my friend destroy himself any longer, so you must perform those heinous acts nowhere near this land.”
FALSTAFF: “Oh, my King! I beggeth of you, please find mercy in your heart and permit your, admittedly, great friend to live out the rest of his pitiful days in the only place he hath called home as of late, which be the Boar’s Head Tavern . . . ’Tis the only life I know how to exist in.”
HENRY V: “ ’Tis exactly why this banishment is what you require, to at the very least, set you in motion to correct your ways of life . . . And Falstaff, I was not dishonest when I said you were my great friend, because I do care about you & your well-being. To show this, allow me to reveal my final stipulation: if I learn about how you turned your life around, I shall allow you to return to the kingdom, and we may potentially resume a cordial friendship. But until that point, allow all of my previous commands to ring true.”
FALSTAFF: “As much as it pains me to say so, my King, I accept thy terms. I will gather what little items are in my possession and proceed to leave at least a 10-mile distance between me and the kingdom. I cannot promise that you will receive word of my redemption, but in the name of our friendship, I assure you, my King, I will attempt this second chance thou hast given me.”
HENRY V: “I hope for your sake and the sake of our friendship continuing, you do.”
“I will now call forth the guards and instruct them of the necessary elements of your consequences, and how the same will extend to the rest of the Boar’s Head Tavern crew that arrived with you.”
HENRY V then exits the chambers and instructs the guards on FALSTAFF and the Boar’s Head Tavern crew’s fate. The guards then escort FALSTAFF and company out of the castle grounds.